Alternate headline: "Man Falls in Love With a Bass, Takes its Name in Matrimony."

We're through the looking glass here, people.

Ever wondered how Zakk Wylde really gets that distinctive tone?

Scott Pellegrom hangs a lampshade on it like a boss.

Not to knock the band, because they're killer players and what they are playing they pull off perfectly. But what's

Dude, you're probably just not picking hard enough.

Ever dreamed you were in a theater, and you just wandered onto the stage, and just looked around at the

Someone needs to show these guys what a frown looks like. Have they never seen a band photo?

"Hey Marco, want to audition for Dream Theater?" "Dream What?" "Dream Theater." "What Theater?" "Dream Theater." "What what?"

Maybe the dimmer is just moving very slowly. I'm no lighting technician.

The guys were tasked with tracking a song and generating the tones using nothing but Toontrack's software. And their guitars.

Not literally. Just on video. He actually doesn't have time to personally hang out with you. It's like high school

Alternate headline: Squarepusher writes music for 78 fingers and 22 arms.

Or how I learned to stop worrying because Ola's gear is the bomb.