And Now Here’s Samus With The Weather

What’s the forecast for today Mr. Samus?

ADVERTISEMENT

Diarrhea. Vomiting. And metal, sweet metal.

I figure, if we’re all gonna die, then the least we can do is die in an extremely metal way. Although, I guess that could depend largely on what kind of metal we’re talking about – in this case, goregrind maybe? I’ve made a list below of the other metal ways to die by genre.

Power Metal – Eaten/burned by dragon

Black Metal – Sacrificed on altar to Satan

Viking Metal – In glorious battle

Nu-metal – Overdose on Meth

Prog Metal – Overdose on math

Djent – Crushed by guitar with too many strings

Pornogrind – Gangbanged to death

Metalcore – Alcohol poisoning

Classic Metal – Old age

Symphonic Metal – Alone because dork

Death Metal – all of them. That’s why it’s called DEATH METAL.

Which ones did I miss?

Written by

As Editor-in-Chief of Gear Gods, I've been feeding your sick instrument fetishism and trying unsuccessfully to hide my own since 2013. I studied music on both coasts (Berklee and SSU) and now I'm just trying to put my degree to some use. That's a music degree, not an English one. I'm sure you noticed.