All Right, Pass the “King of the One Man Band” Crown to Tobias Schuler

Goddamnit, Tobias Schuler. What test tube were you grown from, and couldn’t they have waited a few more years before unleashing your kind amongst the throngs of us mere mortals?


This almost 9-minute epic instrumental runs the gamut from blues to orchestral grind, and every moment of it is composed and performed so flawlessly that I’m debating the abandonment of music altogether. No single human should be imbued with this level of prodigiousness. It’s completely unfair. I’m used to seeing a ridiculous combo of drum and guitar talent. Trey’s posted enough Samus Paulicelli videos to make that level of mastery… well, not the norm but maybe I’ve become a little jaded to that level of talent.

But Tobias Schuler is on another planet altogether. It’s jaw-dropping enough that the meat and potatoes drum/guitar/bass pairing is top-notch (and that he actually plays the bass like a bassist), but when that violin came out I just lost it laughing. Oh, and there’s a fucking Mandolin. I… I quit.

If you want to feed your inferiority complex further you can follow Tobias Schuler’s band Fuck You and Die or just purchase this particular song, “Mind Over Matter,” on Bandcamp.

Written by

Chris Alfano has written about music and toured in bands since print magazines and were popular. Once in high-school he hacked a friend's QBasic stick figure fighting game to add a chiptune metal soundtrack. Random attractive people still give him high-fives about that.

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