Now We Know Why Metallica Couldn’t Use Amps in Antarctica

Okay, this makes a lot more sense. We’re Gear Gods after all, not Antarctic Scientific Research Outpost Gods*. So I guess I assumed that there was some kind of building down in Antarctica that had, I don’t know, a big cafeteria or something, for Metallica to have their just-to-say-we-did-it frozen concert in. Kind of like your high school’s coffee house, except filled with a bunch of tired, dorky 50 year old men. And some scientists.


But apparently not. Although some such structures appear to exist, they’re too busy researching the temperature at which semen freezes before it hits the ground, or whatever the hell they do down there, so Metallica had to rent a big transparent soccer ball to perform in.


So, um, yeah, I could see why they had to buy a pile of Axe-FX units. I can’t imagine that a wall of Diezel and Mesa/Boogie stacks would have gelled with their desire to keep the walls from exploding. Plus look at the lower picture up there. Are they powering this whole concert with solar power and batteries? I’m amazed they could get enough juice to even power a a few rackmount guitar processors, so a bunch of high-wattage tube amplifiers was a no-go, assuming none of the resident Bond super villains would let them plug into their personal nuclear generators or submarines.


Look at the guys in that little glass room. I have to admit, this seems like it would have been pretty cool, to see Metallica in a room the size of a swimming pool and also to have the most badass spot to grow your hydroponic weed. Coca-cola (how they got involved I don’t know) flew out a handful of South America fans, in a blatant slight to all of the Penguins who have been waiting, like, forever to see their favorite band live. Sorry guys, no room. It was packed pretty tight.


According to the Metallica’s Facebook page, their set included Creeping Death, For Whom the Bell Tolls, Sad But True, Welcome Home (Sanitarium), Master of Puppets, One, Blackened, Nothing Else Matters, Enter Sandman, and Seek & Destroy. If that’s the complete list, and they didn’t play Trapped Under Ice, someone needs to get eaten by a polar bear.

*I’m willing to bet that is an available domain name if anyone wants to take up the mantle.

**I non-ironically love what Lars did with his kick drum heads. I mean, he HAD to, right?


Addendum: they’ve now posted some video footage… of “Creeping Death”… and NOT “Trapped Under Ice” damnit.

It’s kind of weird when they keep jumping Kirk’s mix to the center for the solos.

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Chris Alfano has written about music and toured in bands since print magazines and were popular. Once in high-school he hacked a friend's QBasic stick figure fighting game to add a chiptune metal soundtrack. Random attractive people still give him high-fives about that.

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