All Your Fractal Are Belong To Metallica

Metallica Buys All Axe-FXs


According to Metallica’s guitar tech and a tweet from Fractal Audio, Metallica has ruined Christmas for literally tens of djent nerds who finally pestered their moms enough to get them this year’s guitar equivalent of a Furby. Except there won’t even be any for them to tear each others hair out for in the Wal-Mart checkout line because METALLICA HAS BOUGHT THEM ALL. I’m not exactly sure how many that consisted of, because all they said was that they are bringing “a pile” of them to Antarctica (clearing up one mystery from my earlier post), but how many could they possibly need? One for James, one for Kirk, one for Rob, then a backup for each? Does six make a pile? I hope they rack them, rather than using the pile system, as patented by Yngwie Malmsteen. Fractal’s post confirmed that they did buy ALL of them, which with their basically unlimited money could be anywhere from 6-40 units. Maybe they’re gonna give some to the penguins.

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As Editor-in-Chief of Gear Gods, I've been feeding your sick instrument fetishism and trying unsuccessfully to hide my own since 2013. I studied music on both coasts (Berklee and SSU) and now I'm just trying to put my degree to some use. That's a music degree, not an English one. I'm sure you noticed.

Latest comments
  • They just bought up all the guitar tone for the year!

  • good riddance yeh, let em have their computers, more tubes for me

  • maybe it has to do with that there is no air amplification in the Antarctica show. all musicians an EVERYONE in the small audience (150 people aprox) will use HEADPHONES to listen the concert while they see the band performing in front of them

  • All that technology and they still cant write a decent tune….baaaaaa humbug

  • what a bunch of dicks

  • +1 for reference to Yngwie’s pile of guitars. Some day, I hope to be famous and douchey enough to have dozens of my own signature guitars in the same color to pile on a couch

  • Dear Metallica,

    1.) Why?
    2.) I’ll be accepting left over gear at my P.O. Box, please and thank you.

  • Metallica is secretly building a super sonic axe-fx reactor capable of awakening the forbidden ice trolls of the south!!

    • Psh, everybody knows the ice trolls live in the North. The frost leviathans live in the South.

  • Sounds good to me!

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