All Your Fractal Are Belong To Metallica

Metallica Buys All Axe-FXs

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According to Metallica’s guitar tech and a tweet from Fractal Audio, Metallica has ruined Christmas for literally tens of djent nerds who finally pestered their moms enough to get them this year’s guitar equivalent of a Furby. Except there won’t even be any for them to tear each others hair out for in the Wal-Mart checkout line because METALLICA HAS BOUGHT THEM ALL. I’m not exactly sure how many that consisted of, because all they said was that they are bringing “a pile” of them to Antarctica (clearing up one mystery from my earlier post), but how many could they possibly need? One for James, one for Kirk, one for Rob, then a backup for each? Does six make a pile? I hope they rack them, rather than using the pile system, as patented by Yngwie Malmsteen. Fractal’s post confirmed that they did buy ALL of them, which with their basically unlimited money could be anywhere from 6-40 units. Maybe they’re gonna give some to the penguins.

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As Editor-in-Chief of Gear Gods, I've been feeding your sick instrument fetishism and trying unsuccessfully to hide my own since 2013. I studied music on both coasts (Berklee and SSU) and now I'm just trying to put my degree to some use. That's a music degree, not an English one. I'm sure you noticed.