Electro-Harmonix’s New “The Crying Bass” Pedal Unfortunately Doesn’t Have a Penis

I was on the run from the IRA in Thatcher’s London when a dying comrade of mine encouraged me to check out Electro-Harmonix’s new wah, “The Crying Bass.” I stayed with it for a while, and then gradually noticed that all was not as it seemed. Unlike most wah stompboxes, The Crying Wah didn’t have a hinge. I tried to get used it it, but that’s just not what I’m looking for. I like the natural friction of a traditional pedal. If that makes me closed-minded, I’m sorry, but that’s just how my brain is wired.

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Chris Alfano has written about music and toured in bands since print magazines and mp3.com were popular. Once in high-school he hacked a friend's QBasic stick figure fighting game to add a chiptune metal soundtrack. Random attractive people still give him high-fives about that.