FIND OF THE WEEK: Would You Rock This Monstrosity?

Taste in guitars is an extremely subjective and personal thing – the heart wants what it wants, and your little wigglers will fret where they wish. I certainly can’t stop you, nor will I try.

But the rest of us are gonna have to look at you while you’re up there, wanking away through whatever Crate you could afford after you dropped $4,199.99 (plus shipping) on THIS absolute waste of wood:

I get it – you’re stuck at home, you’ve got that government stimulus check burning a hole in your pocket, you’re trolling Reverb.com for your some future regret, and the G.A.S. took hold of you. But there’s more than just yourself to consider – there are other people in the world. People with eyes.

If you’re looking at that guitar and considering buying it, I’ll just assume you don’t care about that at all, are just trying to hurt people, and lack the human emotion of empathy, so I’ll do you a favor and suggest some cheaper options that will achieve the same goal:

This Ironbird is only $700 + $100 shipping and has a similar vibe. Buy here.
This BC Rich Mockingbird is another winged nightmare, and this one will cause corneal damage for only $399.99 + $65 shipping – buy it here.
Now this one is in the same vein, but far more classy looking. Like pouring a Bud Light into a martini glass. Much more reasonable price to put out your bandmate’s eye at $329.99 – buy this eye-gouger here.

No matter your taste in guitars, or how you feel about other peoples’ eyes, it’s nice to know that once you come to your senses, Reverb.com will always be there for you to pass the curse on to someone else for lower fees than Ebay.

Written by

As Editor-in-Chief of Gear Gods, I've been feeding your sick instrument fetishism and trying unsuccessfully to hide my own since 2013. I studied music on both coasts (Berklee and SSU) and now I'm just trying to put my degree to some use. That's a music degree, not an English one. I'm sure you noticed.