FIND OF THE WEEK – Paul Gilbert Guitar with Miraculous Depiction of Baby Jesus

Are you a guitarist? Do you love Racer X? Have you accepted our lord Jesus Christ as your savior? Well, boy do we have the guitar for you.


For just USD $10,000 you could own a genuine Ibanez PGM80P Paul Gilbert signature guitar that includes a confirmed miracle apparition of Mary and baby Jesus, right there in the wood grain. Absolute bargain!

Ibanez Paul Gilbert Signature Guitar with Virgin Mary and Jesus

You see it?! Jesus lives! What more proof do you unwashed atheists need? God bless Ibanez. God bless Paul Gilbert.

Here’s what the eBay seller says about the authenticity of this religious artifact:

Q: How can we know that this is an image of the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus and not just some random anomaly in the Ash wood grain?

A: If you have faith and just believe, you will feel it deep inside your heart. If you have no faith, there is no way you can know. Source: Bumper stickers, T-shirts, and Facebook memes


Now, $10,000 might be a little pricey compared to what you’re used to paying for a guitar but, hear me out though, I think it’s totally worth it.

Firstly, I’m pretty sure whoever owns this guitar during end-times will receive direct ascendancy to the kingdom of heaven. What’s Jesus gonna do, not let you in? You have a miracle-guitar with a baby photo of him and his mom on it, for Christ’s sake. That, for sure, gets you in.

Boom, ticket to heaven.

Secondly, things like this don’t depreciate in value. Remember that Virgin Mary toast? That’s gotta be worth, like, a billion dollars now. Just hold on to it and you’ll be richer than ol’ King Solomon in a few years.

Cha-ching, diversified investment portfolio.

Virgin Mary Toast

This phenomenon is called Pareidolia. The tendency to see faces in objects actually might have helped our ancestors quickly identify threats, and survive. Don’t say you didn’t learn anything from Gear Gods.

And just to seal the deal, if you’re a god fearing ‘Murican that voted for Czar Trump, the seller says he’ll knock $1000 off the price. What a great deal, folks.

Find the eBay listing, here.

Written by

Demigod Zeke studies marketing & economics and produces his friends’ disgusting slam bands.

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